Ashes to Ashes
by Lioness's Heart
Summary: A sleepless night and a chance encounter with the Resistance's best pilot after Rey returns to D'Qar brings a surprise that she was not expecting. Oneshot. Post-TFA.
**Disclaimer: I suppose at this point I could say that if Star Wars was mine, the EU would still be canon. But it isn't. Ergo, not mine.**

 **I should probably say I'm sorry for the pain this is going to cause. This was written for a challenge and the theme was a mix and match - and it ended up being kind of painful. So I'm sorry, but I hope you enjoy reading it all the same.**

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It started when Rey returned to D'Qar with Master Skywalker in tow. She was not sure what it was that was keeping her awake, but sleepless nights were not new. There had been plenty of nights on Jakku where she had watched the sun rise from the wreckage of this ship or that.

It felt like hours, but a quick glance told her it had only been twenty minutes. She let out a frustrated sigh, burying her face in the pillow. Eventually she gave up, pushing herself up and out of bed. If she could not sleep, at least she could be productive and work on the _Falcon_. She dressed quickly and slipped out of the room, wincing at the sound the door made in the otherwise silent hallways.

There were people awake on the night watch, but Rey saw no one. The sound of her footsteps echoed loudly as she made her way to the docking bay. A clang echoed through the hallway when she was just outside the bay. She rounded the corner just in time to hear a string of curses and more clattering.

Rey froze in the doorway, her gaze landing on the dark-haired man climbing down from an X-wing that was docked not far from the _Falcon_. It took her a moment to realize that it was Poe Dameron who hit the ground when he jumped off the second to last rail and bent to retrieve something from the ground. It was only BB-8 rolling around the craft and stopping near Poe's toolbox to beep at her that made her realize who it was.

He noticed her as he straightened and offered her a faint smile. Even from a distance, Rey could tell that Poe was exhausted.

After a moment of hesitation, Rey closed the distance between them, unable to keep the frown from creasing her face. They had only interacted a few times, but he had always been nice to her when she was sitting with Finn and he joined her or they switched places. The thought of Finn made her chest tighten.

The exhaustion was even more obvious up close. There were obvious dark circles under his eyes and he seemed ready to fall over. "What are you doing up?"

Poe let out a sigh. "Probably the same as you. Can't sleep."

"When was the last time you tried?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her face warmed and she dropped her gaze. "Sorry."

"No, it's alright. It was earlier tonight. I slept for about twenty minutes." The frown on her face must have deepened because he bent a little, trying to catch her gaze. "Rey, it's okay to be concerned. We're friends."

He offered her a faint smile, which was enough to make something in her flutter. Even when he was ready to fall over, he seemed more worried about her than himself.

She met his smile with one of her own. "Do you want to work on the _Falcon_ with me? I'd like some company."

Surprise flitted across Poe's face, then he nodded. "I'd be honored. Lead the way."

One night turned into two and two turned into a week. The week turned into a month. The next thing Rey knew, she and Poe were having lunch together every day when he was on base and she was not training with Master Skywalker through the meal. It was easy to be around him – she found herself smiling more and it was easier to forget the war going on outside.

She worried about him, of course. Especially when he was on a mission like the one that had nearly gotten him killed before they could met. Somehow he always made it back. He was one of the lucky ones who always managed to skate by. There was a weight in her chest that seemed to grow every time his X-wing landed and he came back safely. She was not sure what it was, but it disappeared quickly enough until he inevitably had to leave again that she could forget until it happened again.

It seemed like a dream, the way his dark eyes would follow her and how he seemed to smile more for her than anyone else. It was even more of a dream when they were working on the _Falcon_ and he kissed her long and hard and she knew that would not have been the end of it if Leia had not come looking for them.

She knew she was in love with Poe by the time Finn finally woke up. She spent the week giddy, her head spinning and a silly smile on her face whenever Poe came into view. For the first time since she could remember, it seemed like everything was going right.

She could hardly stop herself from pouncing and kissing him the moment the door to his room opened and she barely heard the mumbled words about him leaving on another mission between kisses.

It all seemed like it was going too fast, but the war made it seem like it had to. She still saw the nightmare at Starkiller base when she closed her eyes and it made her heart ache. She knew that Poe still had nightmares from his captivity and the torture Kylo Ren put him through. She could almost forget when she was with him.

The next day began with light streaming in through Poe's window, soft clattering in his closet, and what sounded like a hushed conversation with BB-8. A smile touched her lips when Poe came into sight with the little droid at his heels and he bent to kiss her.

The smile disappeared when she saw the orange flight suit and she saw the ache in her chest echoed in his eyes. "Do you have to go?"

"You know I do. I'm the best pilot they've got. The general needs me on this mission."

Rey blinked back tears. She wiped them away with her palm, but not before he saw. She hated crying, but there was something in the back of her mind that told her not to let him go. _Don't go_. She did not say the words, but they hung in the air between them as she rose and dressed.

He pulled her against him when she turned to go, backing her against the wall. "Don't be like that," he said softly. His dark eyes bored into her even as she tried to squirm away from him. "Rey, look at me. _Look at me_."

Her head snapped up and she met his eyes. "Poe, I—" The words died in her throat, replaced by a sigh.

He lifted one hand to stroke her cheek. "This is just another mission. I fly them all the time. This isn't even a dangerous one. It's going to be okay." He paused for a moment. "I'm going to leave BB-8 here with you."

She stared at him, her mouth falling open. "Why?"

Poe smiled at her, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips. "Because you need the little guy more than I do right now. It's going to be okay. I promise."

BB-8 let out a string of shrill notes behind them, making Poe laugh. "Don't give me that, you know you want to stay with her," he said.

The little droid beeped indignantly at Poe once, then tootled at Rey again.

This brought a weak smile to Rey's face. "You're sure?"

Poe turned back to her. "I am." He kissed her again, then let her go. "I'll come back, Rey." It looked like he was about to say something else, then thought better of it. "I have to go to my briefing now, but you'll come say goodbye?"

She wanted to say no, not because she did not want to go, but because she did not want to cry again. She nodded anyway. "Of course I will."

Their goodbye next to his X-wing felt wrong. She could not put her finger on what it was, but she knew there was something was coming.

Rey tried to go about the rest of her day as if everything was normal. Sparring and meditation with Master Skywalker filled her morning, followed by lunch with Finn before something made her head for the control room. She had just passed the doorway when she heard Poe's voice on the speakers and the panic that should not have been there.

"There's too many of them! We can't hold them—" He broke off, swearing loudly. "I'm hit! Damnit, I—"

The static hit at the same time all of the air left her lungs. It felt like she had been punched in the gut. The world spun as her knees gave out. She could not breathe.

The next thing she was aware of was Leia's face above hers. There were tears in the older woman's eyes as she called Rey's name. "Rey, you have to get up. Please."

The sound that came out of her throat did not sound human. He was gone. Poe was _gone_. Her throat closed, preventing another sound.

Her thoughts were barely coherent, all jumbled up as Leia pulled her to her feet and guided her toward the infirmary. He was gone. Just like that. The best pilot in the Resistance and there was nothing left but space dust.

Poe had survived being tortured by Kylo Ren and crash landing on Jakku. He had survived the assault on Starkiller base. He had survived so much and it meant nothing.

Everything seemed distorted, too slow but too fast, and her head spun. Even BB-8's concerned beeps sounded far away. Her chest throbbed painfully. Those last words echoed in her head, the desperation in his voice stealing her breath for a second time. It was not fair.

By the time Leia entrusted her to someone in the infirmary Rey could not keep the tears from running down her face. She wanted to scream, but her voice was gone. She wanted to be angry that he had been taken from her, but she felt nothing but the gaping loss and the ache in her chest. She was dimly aware of Luke's presence at some point, but it hardly mattered. Nothing mattered.


End file.
